The first step

I am always thinking about changing myself. I am always telling my wife that there is going to be a new me, or that I am going to start doing this or that. But I rarely ever change.

I am just not very happy with myself. I love my wife and kids, I love being a husband and father. But besides for that I am not too happy with myself. I love the fact that I have a job but I really don't like my job. I really don't like too many of my traits and faults. I don't like the fact that I have very few friends and none of them I would even consider close friends. I don't like my hobbies. I don't like how lazy I am.

I also don't like that I feel like Ryan Leaf most of the time. I feel that God had big plans for me but I either didn't follow through with those plans or just didn't hear Him when he told me what He wanted me to do. I also hate that I feel like there is too few of examples out there of Godly men.

I know that I am not an example of a Godly man. And I have no idea why I am not. I have every reason to be fully devoted to Him but I have always held back. Why? I have complete faith in Him. I have seen, touched, and heard Him! I have felt His love throughout my entire life but I have still not shown Him the love back that He deserves.

That is why I am starting my new blog, Crashing Giants. I am hoping that this blog will be a journal of my journey to being the man that I am called to be. I am not posting this blog nor do I ever plan on discussing it with anyone. It is my own personal thoughts of this journey. I am hoping that someday I will be like David. I will be able to confront giants. I would also love to be called a "man after God's heart".

Because ultimately I know that the only way I am ever going to be happy with myself is if I live my life fully for Him.